December 8, 2008 - 28th Anniversary of John Lennon's Death

It is 7:10 am and I am sitting on the train as I do every morning reading my free newspapers and sipping on my morning coffee. As I flip through I reach a small article on one of the inner pages. It talks about today being the 28th anniversary of John Lennon's death. I started to cry. My grandmother Ida loved him. I looked out the window as the train started to move and snow started falling upon the already white ground below. I wish I had not lost her journal. I really miss her. She was the only one who understood my gift.

I turned back to my paper and there was a folded note and hand written on the front said Susan. I opened it.

Dear Susan, I really miss you too. You have a wonderful gift.
Don't let my memory drag you down or make you fearful of using it. I
have
given you another entry from my journal. Love Ida

I looked around at the passengers. "Was grandma still alive and on the train", I thought. I could not see her. I gave up my seat and wandered through from car to car but I could not find her. "Whomever stole my journal must be playing this trick on me", I thought. I sat on the steps and we were delayed due to congestion at Union. I opened the entry.

I wept a lot today. He was the closest thing to family I had. I listened
to him sing to me and it helped me deal with the losses I had. I could escape
into strawberry fields, or a yellow submarine. I watched his tv specials every
chance I got and he has a permanent seat at my table for all the holidays.

I felt the same way about my grandmother too. She was the only one really supportive of me. I miss her a lot. I hope that whomever has my journal that they will please return it to me. I will not question why you took it or even if it was you that took it. I just want it back please.

Heart Songs - They never feel wrong

During my walk up Yonge Street from Union to Bloor, I have been listening to my iPod a lot, especially the new Weezer album. Their new track, "Heart Songs" got me thinking, what are my heart songs and why do I feel that way about them? I thought I would start by listing my heart songs and hopefully my friends will continue by listing theirs and the reasons why they never feel wrong to them.

1) SONG: Stone Temple Pilots - Interstate Love Song
REASON: I recognize that initial chord pattern every time and I feel good. Gives me fond
memories if Brian singing it to me. This song is the perfect breakup song, "You
lied, goodbye".
2) SONG: Cat Power -Sea of Love
REASON: The Honeydrippers were yummy but the cat power version with its ambience gets
me dripping every time.

3) SONG: Nine Inch Nails - Closer
REASON: It reminds me of fond memories I had with Moddy Blaze screaming it at the top of
our lungs.

4) SONG: Heart - Burracuda
REASON: Who can resist that chord pattern

5) SONG: Pearl Jam - Yellow Ledbetter
REASON: This song is my life now. On the front porch they are waiting. They won't come in
as I have the house protected but they wait for the moment they can get me.

6) SONG: Tragically Hip - New Orleans (Killer Whale Tank Version)
REASON: How would it be summer without the Hip? A friend of mine cleaned the tanks at an
aquarium so we used to love playing it to him

7) SONG: Foo Fighters - Let it Die
REASON: My friend's daughter. I was in the car with them and when it came off they quickly
changed it. I told them it was a good song. They told me that they knew it was but
that I didn't understand. At that moment their 4 year old started belting out the
chorus "Why don't you go and let it die". After a few times she starts screaming it
which is when they tell her she does not have to scream it. She tells them that the
singer does at the end. She find him funny.

8) SONG: Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody
REASON: Memories of riding around in the back of a car blasting it. Hair shaking.

9) SONG: Weezer - Heart song
REASON: Brings back memories of my heart songs - they never feel wrong.

10) SONG: Spirit of the West - Home for a Rest
REASON: I can't think of a party I have been to that this song is not heard. If the dj does
not have it someone will be drunk enough to perform it.

I hope you will share your heart songs with me by commenting on this blogpost. I hope I will find my grandmother's journal soon. I can't believe someone would take it away from me.

The Man From Nunavut Gives Me A Vision

This actually happened on April 18 but I was so shocked by it that I am finally getting to writing it down now.

It was the end of the day and about time. The warm weather maked it a perfect time for a drink on the patio. Sitting and relaxing, sipping a cold drink on the patio with friends. My eyes looked up at the man sitting looking in wonder at the closeness of the buildings. A small church being embraced on either side by an office tower and a highrise condo. “Lots of people but so alone”, the man said. He explained that he was in town to see his mom who is in the hospital. I could sense that the man was upset so I reaches out my hand to console him. There is a shimmer of light off the edge of the building across the street. It blinded me for a moment and then faded. All was white as far as she cound see. I turned around and noticed a small town off in the distance that I didn't notice her first look at the surroundings. I walked towards it as if pulled by the heat of the fire in the center of the town. I walked closer to it to keep warm. The light guided me to the young girl sitting by the fire. I smiled at her. The young girl smiles back. I noticed a book in her hand. “What are you reading?” I asked her. “Its about the future”, the young girl said. “May I see the book?” I asked. The girl pulled the book away so I could not reach it. When I did, I noticed the word Pascha on the cover. “What do you know about Pascha?”, I asked. “I know that April 13, 2036 is a very important date not because its her birthday”, the young girl said. I looked at her odd, I never associated the two before. That is why Pascha is so sad and does not want to celebrate her birthday. “Life is 10% what happens and 90% how you respond to it”, the young girl said. I looked over at the fire as a spark flew up. I followed it with my eyes as it popped. The man was in front of me again. He released my hand and turned to leave. It was then I noticed the book. Pascha's name was on the cover. I wanted to call to him to stop but before I could he was across at the lights and was gone. I sat for a moment on a bench to catch hold of myself then continued down the street to meet my friends for a drink.

If you ever come across this book let me know. I think it is the key to me finding out what my dreams and visions really mean. I still cannot find my grandmother's journal. I have looked everywhere with no luck. If you find either I would be very greatful.

Have You Seen My Journal!!!!!

I had it in my coat pocket as I have been taking it everywhere but last week it disappeared. I looked everywhere. I asked everyone but nobody knows where it is. Please help me. If you know where it is I would really appreciate it if you let me know or returned it to me.

I have been using it to help me get through things and help to find out more about my gift. If you have it I beg of you please give it back.

If you have any information please email me at susan@clinchportal.com

Vision of the Meteor

I had another of my dreams last night. I was lying outside under the stars. Someone yelled its a meteor and its getting close. I turned around and people were running in all directions. I got scared. Mark spotted me and pulled me along. Mark told me that there is a group of people that believe this meteor passing is their savior and will stop at nothing to get close to it. There is massive panic all around me and riots. I tripped and fell down. I awoke with a bruise on my knee.

I spoke to my friends and they laughed. They said it was because of the party happening January 29, 2008 to watch the 2007TU24 pass by just inside the moon just after 3:33 am EST. I still think there is more to it. I asked Mark and he said a lot of strange things happen when meteors pass us. I have posted a link to the article. I would invite you to the party but its a very close group. You can watch yourself though, with it being so close and if we get a clear day you should get a good view of it. I posted the article I found on it below:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/01/080124192818.htm

Please comment on my dream. Do you think its just related to the party or is there something more to it? Also if you manage to see it I would love it if you would report back here. I will be in the warm observatory so I will see it up close.

Old Faithful and 2010

I went to see a movie last night but had to leave early due to nausea. I laid down on a bench outside the theatre hoping that would help it subside but then I had this aweful dream. When I got home I laid down and pulled out my Grandmother's journal. Skimming through I saw an entry from her related to my dream. I got very scared as I am sure its not just coincidence that we both dreamt it. I thought I would post this entry in hopes you could comment on this too.

(July 5, 1984) My uncle is a forest ranger and he decided it would be fun
to take us to Yellowstone National Park to see Old Faithful with a couple of my
friends. We waited patiently for it to go. Someone
decided it would be fun to get real close when it was going to blow.
Security quickly pulled them back. You don't want to get burned they
said. I had this feeling that something would happen. I started to
feel weak. I looked around and saw the sign
"Old Faithful
Visitor Education Center 2010" Next thing I knew there was an evacuation
notice and security was escorting all of us out. I thought I heard someone
say there was going to be an eruption. I could hear my uncle calling me to
wake up. As it got louder I realized I had fainted and was dreaming the
whole thing.

I had this same dream about visiting Old Faithful and an eruption in 2010. I hope you will post comments or any information you have come across about 2010

July 5, 1941 - Her First Journal Entry

On New Years Day I decided it was time to go back in and look at another entry. I found the thought of it scary but a friend of mine sat with me to help me through it. I figured being the new year I should look at my Grandmother's first posting in her diary. I found it very disturbing for the first few minutes I could not breathe. My friend held me. Its now 10 days later and I am finally calm enough to write this posting.

Please add comments for me as it will help me deal with the pressure associated with reading this.

(July 5, 1941) On New Years Day I decided it was time to go back in and look at another entry. I found the thought of it scary but a friend of mine sat with me to help me through it. I figured being the new year I should look at my Grandmother's first posting in her diary. I found it very disturbing for the first few minutes I could not breathe. My friend held me. Its now 10 days later and I am finally calm enough to write this posting.

Please add comments for me as it will help me deal with the pressure associated with reading this.


(July 5, 1941) As I sit her on the cold dirt floor, I look over at my dad as he sits at the kitchen table in tears. This is the first time I ever saw my father cry. My Aunt once told me that he is the strongest person she knew. We used to have a nice kitchen table made of cherry wood. My mom used to polish it every day. That was before they came to take it all away. All they left us was this rickety card table and three ricketly wicker chairs. They did not even leave enough for all of us to sit together at dinner. My brothers were quite upset. "Could you not leave us at least 5 chairs?" my brother asked. The soldier looked at my brother and was about to signal the other soldiers to grab him but my dad quickly and calmly appologized. "He is young. He doesn't know any better", My dad said.

I remember that my Dad even kept his cool when they came to the door the second time and told us that we must move out so another family could move in. My brother was even more upset than last time but my dad ensured my brother left first. "God will always provide a roof over our heads", Dad told us. This time it was different. This time they didn't take material possessions. They took my mom. They took my mom and there was nothing I could do. Nothing, Nothing, Nothing. My voice was gone. I called out but nothing came out, not a sound. It only took a couple minutes for them to grab her but it felt like hours. I just stood there watching, terrified. They busted the door down and grabbed her; one on each side and one from behind to gag her so she wouldn’t scream. It was the one who gagged her that pushed himself up against her and said, “entertain us and maybe we will let you live.” My mom could not scream because they gagged her, but I was not gagged. I should have been able to scream, but for some reason I could not. I tried hard but I could not. They dragged her out as she kicked and tried to scream. I just stood there frozen. I could not move or speak. I thought about running to kick them. To stop them but my legs felt like they were glued to the ground. Tears started to flow down my cheeks as they closed the door and were gone.

Suddenly my dad appeared in front of me and my voice came back. I let out a loud scream, "They took her." "Who took whom?" My dad asked. "They took Mom", I said. Dad was frantic, he opened the front door to look for her but quickly came back in. "I don't see her", he screamed. He ran from room to room looking for her. "Are you sure they took her outside?" Dad asked. "I saw them take her out the front door", I said. "Why did you not scream or come get us?' Dad yelled. I put my head in my hands. "I am sorry. I tried to scream but nothing came out. I tried to move but my legs were stuck", I said. Dad held me. "It is okay. People react differently in stressful situations. Do you remember anything they said?", Dad asked. "There were three of them. One held each side of her while the other gagged her. I remember one of them said that maybe she would live of she entertained them", I said. "So she is probably still alive", Dad smiled. My brother came over to hold my hand while Dad ran out after her. "I think I know where they took her", Dad said then close the door behind him.

I sat with my brother and waited. Hours passed and Dad was still not home. My brother went to the kitchen and pulled out the food mom was preparing earlier in the day. He heated the oven and placed the food in it to cook. "We have to eat", brother insisted. "I am not hungry", I said, "I want to wait for dad." When the food was done my brother came back over to sit with me. "We will wait together", he said.

Evening turned to night as the sunlight was history. Suddenly the door opened and it was my Dad. "Did you find her?" I asked. "No, but I will continue looking tomorrow", Dad said. "It is all my fault", I said.
"Don't ever think that. It is not your fault. You did all you could in the situation", Dad said. "Except scream", I said. My brother smiled at me. Dad tried many times that night to cheer me up but it didn't work.
July 4 will haunt me all the days of my life. The day I didn't scream.

"Dinner is ready", My brother said. Dad sat at the table and we sat with him. I was not very hungry but I knew I had to eat. I looked at the four chairs then looked over at the kitchen counter. That was where Mom stood when we had dinner. We only had four since they took all our stuff. "I miss you Mom", I thought. I saw my brother glancing at the kitchen counter a couple times too. I am sure he was thinking the same thing.

After dinner, I told them I was tired and went to bed. I didn't sleep though. I kept thinking about my mom. How I didn't scream to save her. After a while I noticed the sun peeking its way through the window and knew I had not slept all night. I opened my bedroom door and went over to the kitchen table for breakfast. There was a strange lady at the table with Dad. "Good morning", the lady said. "Good morning" I said curtsying to be polite. "This is Ruth she is a doctor and is here to help you through this", Dad said. He got up from the table and left us alone to talk. I explained everything to her, how I knew it was my fault. I should have screamed. "One way to get all these feelings out is to write them down", Ruth said. Dad heard her and came back to the table. "I thought this would help. Remember your mom gave it to you", Dad said. I took the book from my dad and said thank you. I looked at the cover. I opened it and read what it said. "This will help you one day. I know. I always kept a journal when I was your age. Love Mom" the inscription said. "I have to go now but I will be back to see you again. In the meantime, try writing your feelings in the journal. We can discuss them when we meet next", Ruth said shaking my hand. My dad shook her hand too and she left. I got up from the chair and sat in the corner to start writing. This is my first entry.