June 14, 1942

Last night I went out with a few friends and we shared some fond memories of my friend's sister. Afterwards I went home feeling a little down. It made me think of the loss of my grandmother as well. I brought out the journal and started to read. I so wanted to skip past this entry but I promised myself I would work through it chronologically.

Dad came home today sad and with a little baby boy in is arms. There is good
news and bad news. Good news is this is your brother. You need to help me take
care of him.

I started to tear up. I could already guess the bad news was mom
was dead. But as dad revealed it I was surprised. They did not kill her, she died
giving birth. The men felt bad so they let dad keep my brother.

It is hard to describe how I am feeling now because I feel so many emotions all at once. I
feel guilt that I caused this because I did not scream. I feel joy because I now have a brother. I feel sad because mom will never come home.

My cousin looked over at me and said, "You are a prophet". My dad yelled at him, "You are never to tell anyone this or her life will be in danger. They are looking for
people with the gift.

Dad is taking things very hard. I don't know what to do. I took the baby from him and cuddled him. My own brother. God has taken away my mom but given me a brother.

I guess the take away for me is that sometimes death brings life, sometimes bad things bring out good. It may not be initially apparent but its true. The things each of us do in our lifetime have such a big impact on everyone else. This is how we go on forever.

Sept 11, 1941 - My Great Grandmother was now Found

I was brave today and I decided to look at another entry. I feel a little better knowing now that my great grandmother has been found.

Another month passed and dad came home excited he found where she is. She is
alive, she is an “entertainer” dad said in a sarcastic voice, but you have to do
what you have to do to stay alive.

I was not sure what he meant. I had
visions of her being an actress or a singer but my cousin whispered to me what
it meant and I cringed. I started to cry. Dad noticed and put his arm around us
and told us that he still loved mom even though she had to do those things. The
important thing is that she is alive and after this is all over we will see her
again.

Last night I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that I was in a crowded
street and I saw a woman cry out, she fell to the ground in great pain. People
ran to her and crowded around her. Then all the sudden the crowd separated and
someone picked up a baby boy. "This is your brother", they said. I looked over
and saw that it was my mom on the ground and she smiled at me. Then I awoke.

I still feel guilty, I did not scream and now mom is an "entertainer". I hope
this will end soon so mom can come back home to us.

I got the journal back. I just read an entry from August 10, 1941

Thanks to Cherry for returning my journal to me. I decided last night that I would stop jumping around to various entries and start at the beginning. The first entry was for July 5, 1941. I remember that entry well and I found it very disturbing. I will skip it but if you want to read it you can follow this link to it: http://idajournal.blogspot.com/2008/01/july-5-1941.html


The next entry is for August 10, 1941:

August 10, 1941

It’s been a month now and dad is still looking for mom. We pray every night that she will return but she doesn’t.

My dad is in a little better spirits today. There is a glimmer of hope in his eyes. At first
I didn't know why but then he sat me down and told me. He told me he is
hopeful, he found where they took her and that others are taken there as an
intermediary, not to be killed but as laborers. She had been transferred on when
he got there but now he has some hope she was still alive. He is going to
continue looking for her.

I miss my mom so much. I still feel guilty that I
did not scream. If only I had screamed, someone would have heard me and she
would already be home.

This entry makes me feel a lot better than I felt after reading the first entry. There is some hope that she will be found. I want to read more but I think I should just take my time and cherish each entry.