Ida Journal

The Taste of Gaga

2010-07-22T05:41:00.000-07:00

How would you like to wake up to the taste of Lady Gaga in your mouth? What if you could taste her anytime, anywhere? Soon you may be able to. It seems that tea companies are interested in creating a Lady Gaga tea.

I wonder if it will be a trend. They could have Perry-eh (A rebranding of perrier water for Katy Perry. But we don't want to leave the men out. How about Pitt Martini or Clooney Cola or even a Vin Diesel Vextini?

I am sure both genders will love this one, Dicaprio Milk.

I look forward to your comment. If you are shy you can always email them to me at susan@clinchportal.com

Peaceful Protest

2010-07-10T08:06:00.000-07:00

I was at the corner of Yonge and Bloor last Friday July 9, 2010. There was an elderly lady handing out flyers to invite people to protest the police action at the G20. She was in such a hurry to hand them out and get out of there. She kept checking her watch. She even told me she had a limited time in which to hand them out. I found that very odd so I wrote this poem about it.

"Peaceful Protest" By Susan Fischer
Busiest corner in the city, what a great place to hide.
Handing out my flyers, swallowing her pride.
Scoping every corner, watching the time.
Makes me wonder, when peaceful protest became a crime.

The Day the Internet Died

2010-07-08T05:53:00.001-07:00

I had another strange dream last night so I thought I would post it here.

It was the usual morning for me. I pulled the covers off my head, stumbled to the shower then down to breakfast. I opened my Netbook but to my surprise: no Facebook, no Hotmail. That was odd. I reset the router but it was would not connect. Not to worry, I pulled out my iPhone from my Coach Poppy handbag. No signal.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see crowds wandering aimlessly down the street. Being the curious type, I went outside. “No GPS! How will I know where I am?” one person screamed. “No FourSquare! How will anyone know where I am?” another yelled. I started to laugh then woke up.

I lay back in my bed pondering my dream. In my hand was an article about Prince predicting the downfall of the Internet. What if we really did lose it? Would we visit the record store again? Would we actually look at a map? Would we really talk to our friends? It is definitely something to ponder. I got out of bed and went to work.

Cloudlet Party

2010-07-07T05:48:00.000-07:00

This morning on the train I placed my head on the window and had a nap. This is what I dreamed.

One day two water droplets sat together on a pier. “Where have you been?” the first drop asked. “I floated on the air up to the clouds”, the second drop said. “What were they like?” the first drop asked. “ Cloud-lets love to party. They dance to the rhythm of the wind. As they dance they get excited. Exciting parties attract more cloudlets. Eventually it becomes a massive Mosh Pit. The cloudlets bounce off the walls and each other. Some do not like to party. When they get bumped into, they punch. A massive bar fight began. One of the brawlers knocks over a light and it flashed across the sky. Scared Cloudlets exited as fast as they could. Some jumped to other clouds, while others simply dropped to the ground in surrender. This is how I came back to you”, the second cloud said. “Wow, next time take me with you. I have lots of friends that love to party”, the first drop said. “Next time the air is warm and heavy, be prepared and I will come back for you”, the second drop said floating away. The first drop rushed off to tell all his friends.

Visions of April 12, 2010

2010-02-04T07:05:00.000-08:00

Last night I laid my head on my pillow expecting a good night sleep but I couldn't. April 12, 2010 was floating around in my head. The room around me began to blur and fade into darkness. I heard roars of thunder and screams followed by sirens. The sounds faded and a reverbertating voice spoke to me. "This is a warning of what is to come on April 13, 2036", the voice stated, "Continue your work preparing others for the event to come."

I awoke in a panic the word California floated in my head. If anyone can explain my vision please comment on this blog or email me at susan@clinchportal.com

September 10, 1949

2009-09-02T06:04:00.000-07:00

It is a sad day today as I cannot really hide it from my family any longer. My stomach is too big to hide now. I fear telling them what has happened both because of their reaction and what the boys would do.

The boys have taken me in. Since I was living with a friend of the family they were very happy I was able to move out on my own and take on my own responsibilities

Little did they know what responsibilities I really had. I was scared but I also realized that the boys would take care of me. I held a secret that was well documented and would be released if anything happened to me. I was in good hands.

June 20, 1949

2009-07-14T07:20:00.000-07:00

The pain I felt this day was very strong. I knew when I awoke that morning that something would happen to me to hurt me but I had no idea what or whom would hurt me.

I was prepared, but not for this. I was late for school so I had to go to the office for a note from the principal then head to class. On the way to class from the principal’s office I ran into one of the seniors. He had talked to me over the past couple months and I thought I trusted him. He offered me a cigarette to smoke with him in the boy’s washroom.

Once he got me inside he handed it to me and lit it for me. The cigarette tasted differently but he told me it was a different brand. I started to feel a little dizzy and I seemed to have lost my voice. It was then that everything began. I turned around to look at the exit door but it was blocked by 3 boys. I felt strongly that something bad was about to happen. In fact I felt it when he offered the cigarette but I ignored the feelings. They told me to co-operate and they would take care of me. I knew they were stronger than me so I gave in.

Now it is possible that I am pregnant by one of the 4 of them although I am not sure which one. They all had their chance inside me. I told nobody about it. Once I start showing they will take me in and take care of me as long as they get their chances inside me again. I guess I am an entertainer now just like my mom.

I should have listened to my instinct and not gone in there. I guess I am just as foolish as my friends who I warn and they don't listen

An Olive Branch From Mars Brings Peace To Earth

2009-07-03T05:43:00.001-07:00

I had the strangest dream last night. I was lying in bed when my ceiling disappeared. I started floating up. A lady in white floated over to join me. "Do not be afraid", she said, "I will show you what will happen before the New Year Chimes.

She took my hand and showed me a red planet. "Genecide on a microscopic level was taking place here but it was unintentional", the lady said in an echoed voice. An olive branch floated towards me from the red planet. "They forgive us and will reveal themselves to us before the dawn of 2010", the lady said. "Life on mars by the end of the year?" I asked. "Yes and it will bring peace to the world", the lady said. I floated back down to my bed and awoke. In my hand was a paper that read "An Olive Branch from Mars will bring peace to Earth."

My gift makes me both powerful and powerless all at once.

2009-05-27T07:09:00.000-07:00

I am starting to appreciate more my gift now that I see what my grandmother went through.
It is tough knowing things will happen but be powerless stop them. This entry brings that all home for me.

February 10, 1945 – My Fifteenth Birthday
Today is my fifteenth birthday; I was out riding my bike with my friends.
They all wanted to go up the escarpment but I felt something was wrong. I begged
them not to go either but they insisted. They made fun of me thinking I was a
chicken so I went home crying. They can be so mean sometimes.

I had my
dream again today. It was about the same awful thing that happened to me when I
was 11. The day my mom was taken from me. My dad consoled me but only until he
was taken too. I don’t like to remember that time. Everyone blames me but it was
not my fault. I told them I didn’t do anything but they said that was the
problem, maybe I should have done something to help them.
February 11, 1945

My friends trust me again. They said they were sorry they didn’t listen to me. It seems I was right something did happen. Tommy was riding slightly ahead of the group. A car was coming down the escarpment as they were going up. It lost control and hit Tommy and he went off the cliff with the car. He was taken to hospital but he didn’t make it. I felt bad that I didn’t insist more that they not go. They all said they would trust my instinct from now on.

I hate being right. I hate having this foresight. Its frustrating because you know what is going to happen but you can't do anything about it. You are helpless. Nobody listens to you. I was helpless back when my mom was taken. My voice was not there. I tried to yell but nothing came out. I failed my mom back then because I did not yell. I am not going to make that mistake again. I am always going to tell people my dreams and feelings.

July 4, 1942

2009-05-06T06:50:00.000-07:00

The further I read through my grandmother's journal, the more I see that my small problems dealing with the gift are nothing compared to what she went through.

Dad came home today with a couple of broken ribs and a bloody nose. He told
me to hide with my brother so I did. “You must take care of him” he insisted, “I
will be gone soon I cannot fight it”

They busted in and threw him to the floor. “Your daughter or your
life”, they told him. He spit on them and told them to take his life because
they were not touching his daughter. They threw him to the floor again face
first and dragged him out by his feet. "Your daughter is special. She has the
gift. We will find her they promised".

When the coast was clear I ran for it over to my aunts and told her
what happened. My cousin looked at me and cried. He was so sorry for what he had
done. He told someone at school about my dream and the baby. He promised to be
my protector from now on. I find it hard to talk to him now because of what
happened.

I hope you are benefiting from these entries as much as I am. It feels so good to get it all out in the open.

June 14, 1942

2009-04-28T06:06:00.000-07:00

Last night I went out with a few friends and we shared some fond memories of my friend's sister. Afterwards I went home feeling a little down. It made me think of the loss of my grandmother as well. I brought out the journal and started to read. I so wanted to skip past this entry but I promised myself I would work through it chronologically.

Dad came home today sad and with a little baby boy in is arms. There is good
news and bad news. Good news is this is your brother. You need to help me take
care of him.

I started to tear up. I could already guess the bad news was mom
was dead. But as dad revealed it I was surprised. They did not kill her, she died
giving birth. The men felt bad so they let dad keep my brother.

It is hard to describe how I am feeling now because I feel so many emotions all at once. I
feel guilt that I caused this because I did not scream. I feel joy because I now have a brother. I feel sad because mom will never come home.

My cousin looked over at me and said, "You are a prophet". My dad yelled at him, "You are never to tell anyone this or her life will be in danger. They are looking for
people with the gift.
Dad is taking things very hard. I don't know what to do. I took the baby from him and cuddled him. My own brother. God has taken away my mom but given me a brother.

I guess the take away for me is that sometimes death brings life, sometimes bad things bring out good. It may not be initially apparent but its true. The things each of us do in our lifetime have such a big impact on everyone else. This is how we go on forever.

Sept 11, 1941 - My Great Grandmother was now Found

2009-04-16T05:57:00.001-07:00

I was brave today and I decided to look at another entry. I feel a little better knowing now that my great grandmother has been found.

Another month passed and dad came home excited he found where she is. She is
alive, she is an “entertainer” dad said in a sarcastic voice, but you have to do
what you have to do to stay alive.

I was not sure what he meant. I had
visions of her being an actress or a singer but my cousin whispered to me what
it meant and I cringed. I started to cry. Dad noticed and put his arm around us
and told us that he still loved mom even though she had to do those things. The
important thing is that she is alive and after this is all over we will see her
again.
Last night I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that I was in a crowded
street and I saw a woman cry out, she fell to the ground in great pain. People
ran to her and crowded around her. Then all the sudden the crowd separated and
someone picked up a baby boy. "This is your brother", they said. I looked over
and saw that it was my mom on the ground and she smiled at me. Then I awoke.

I still feel guilty, I did not scream and now mom is an "entertainer". I hope
this will end soon so mom can come back home to us.

I got the journal back. I just read an entry from August 10, 1941

2009-04-13T13:37:00.001-07:00

Thanks to Cherry for returning my journal to me. I decided last night that I would stop jumping around to various entries and start at the beginning. The first entry was for July 5, 1941. I remember that entry well and I found it very disturbing. I will skip it but if you want to read it you can follow this link to it: http://idajournal.blogspot.com/2008/01/july-5-1941.html

The next entry is for August 10, 1941:

August 10, 1941

It’s been a month now and dad is still looking for mom. We pray every night that she will return but she doesn’t.

My dad is in a little better spirits today. There is a glimmer of hope in his eyes. At first
I didn't know why but then he sat me down and told me. He told me he is
hopeful, he found where they took her and that others are taken there as an
intermediary, not to be killed but as laborers. She had been transferred on when
he got there but now he has some hope she was still alive. He is going to
continue looking for her.
I miss my mom so much. I still feel guilty that I
did not scream. If only I had screamed, someone would have heard me and she
would already be home.

This entry makes me feel a lot better than I felt after reading the first entry. There is some hope that she will be found. I want to read more but I think I should just take my time and cherish each entry.

December 8, 2008 - 28th Anniversary of John Lennon's Death

2008-12-08T05:34:00.000-08:00

It is 7:10 am and I am sitting on the train as I do every morning reading my free newspapers and sipping on my morning coffee. As I flip through I reach a small article on one of the inner pages. It talks about today being the 28th anniversary of John Lennon's death. I started to cry. My grandmother Ida loved him. I looked out the window as the train started to move and snow started falling upon the already white ground below. I wish I had not lost her journal. I really miss her. She was the only one who understood my gift.

I turned back to my paper and there was a folded note and hand written on the front said Susan. I opened it.

Dear Susan, I really miss you too. You have a wonderful gift.
Don't let my memory drag you down or make you fearful of using it. I
have
given you another entry from my journal. Love Ida

I looked around at the passengers. "Was grandma still alive and on the train", I thought. I could not see her. I gave up my seat and wandered through from car to car but I could not find her. "Whomever stole my journal must be playing this trick on me", I thought. I sat on the steps and we were delayed due to congestion at Union. I opened the entry.

I wept a lot today. He was the closest thing to family I had. I listened
to him sing to me and it helped me deal with the losses I had. I could escape
into strawberry fields, or a yellow submarine. I watched his tv specials every
chance I got and he has a permanent seat at my table for all the holidays.

I felt the same way about my grandmother too. She was the only one really supportive of me. I miss her a lot. I hope that whomever has my journal that they will please return it to me. I will not question why you took it or even if it was you that took it. I just want it back please.

Heart Songs - They never feel wrong

2008-07-08T06:55:00.000-07:00

During my walk up Yonge Street from Union to Bloor, I have been listening to my iPod a lot, especially the new Weezer album. Their new track, "Heart Songs" got me thinking, what are my heart songs and why do I feel that way about them? I thought I would start by listing my heart songs and hopefully my friends will continue by listing theirs and the reasons why they never feel wrong to them.

1) SONG: Stone Temple Pilots - Interstate Love Song
REASON: I recognize that initial chord pattern every time and I feel good. Gives me fond
memories if Brian singing it to me. This song is the perfect breakup song, "You
lied, goodbye".
2) SONG: Cat Power -Sea of Love
REASON: The Honeydrippers were yummy but the cat power version with its ambience gets
me dripping every time.

3) SONG: Nine Inch Nails - Closer
REASON: It reminds me of fond memories I had with Moddy Blaze screaming it at the top of
our lungs.

4) SONG: Heart - Burracuda
REASON: Who can resist that chord pattern

5) SONG: Pearl Jam - Yellow Ledbetter
REASON: This song is my life now. On the front porch they are waiting. They won't come in
as I have the house protected but they wait for the moment they can get me.

6) SONG: Tragically Hip - New Orleans (Killer Whale Tank Version)
REASON: How would it be summer without the Hip? A friend of mine cleaned the tanks at an
aquarium so we used to love playing it to him

7) SONG: Foo Fighters - Let it Die
REASON: My friend's daughter. I was in the car with them and when it came off they quickly
changed it. I told them it was a good song. They told me that they knew it was but
that I didn't understand. At that moment their 4 year old started belting out the
chorus "Why don't you go and let it die". After a few times she starts screaming it
which is when they tell her she does not have to scream it. She tells them that the
singer does at the end. She find him funny.

8) SONG: Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody
REASON: Memories of riding around in the back of a car blasting it. Hair shaking.

9) SONG: Weezer - Heart song
REASON: Brings back memories of my heart songs - they never feel wrong.

10) SONG: Spirit of the West - Home for a Rest
REASON: I can't think of a party I have been to that this song is not heard. If the dj does
not have it someone will be drunk enough to perform it.

I hope you will share your heart songs with me by commenting on this blogpost. I hope I will find my grandmother's journal soon. I can't believe someone would take it away from me.

The Man From Nunavut Gives Me A Vision

2008-04-23T05:41:00.000-07:00

This actually happened on April 18 but I was so shocked by it that I am finally getting to writing it down now.

It was the end of the day and about time. The warm weather maked it a perfect time for a drink on the patio. Sitting and relaxing, sipping a cold drink on the patio with friends. My eyes looked up at the man sitting looking in wonder at the closeness of the buildings. A small church being embraced on either side by an office tower and a highrise condo. “Lots of people but so alone”, the man said. He explained that he was in town to see his mom who is in the hospital. I could sense that the man was upset so I reaches out my hand to console him. There is a shimmer of light off the edge of the building across the street. It blinded me for a moment and then faded. All was white as far as she cound see. I turned around and noticed a small town off in the distance that I didn't notice her first look at the surroundings. I walked towards it as if pulled by the heat of the fire in the center of the town. I walked closer to it to keep warm. The light guided me to the young girl sitting by the fire. I smiled at her. The young girl smiles back. I noticed a book in her hand. “What are you reading?” I asked her. “Its about the future”, the young girl said. “May I see the book?” I asked. The girl pulled the book away so I could not reach it. When I did, I noticed the word Pascha on the cover. “What do you know about Pascha?”, I asked. “I know that April 13, 2036 is a very important date not because its her birthday”, the young girl said. I looked at her odd, I never associated the two before. That is why Pascha is so sad and does not want to celebrate her birthday. “Life is 10% what happens and 90% how you respond to it”, the young girl said. I looked over at the fire as a spark flew up. I followed it with my eyes as it popped. The man was in front of me again. He released my hand and turned to leave. It was then I noticed the book. Pascha's name was on the cover. I wanted to call to him to stop but before I could he was across at the lights and was gone. I sat for a moment on a bench to catch hold of myself then continued down the street to meet my friends for a drink.

If you ever come across this book let me know. I think it is the key to me finding out what my dreams and visions really mean. I still cannot find my grandmother's journal. I have looked everywhere with no luck. If you find either I would be very greatful.

Have You Seen My Journal!!!!!

2008-03-03T14:50:00.000-08:00

I had it in my coat pocket as I have been taking it everywhere but last week it disappeared. I looked everywhere. I asked everyone but nobody knows where it is. Please help me. If you know where it is I would really appreciate it if you let me know or returned it to me.

I have been using it to help me get through things and help to find out more about my gift. If you have it I beg of you please give it back.

If you have any information please email me at susan@clinchportal.com

Vision of the Meteor

2008-01-25T05:27:00.000-08:00

I had another of my dreams last night. I was lying outside under the stars. Someone yelled its a meteor and its getting close. I turned around and people were running in all directions. I got scared. Mark spotted me and pulled me along. Mark told me that there is a group of people that believe this meteor passing is their savior and will stop at nothing to get close to it. There is massive panic all around me and riots. I tripped and fell down. I awoke with a bruise on my knee.

I spoke to my friends and they laughed. They said it was because of the party happening January 29, 2008 to watch the 2007TU24 pass by just inside the moon just after 3:33 am EST. I still think there is more to it. I asked Mark and he said a lot of strange things happen when meteors pass us. I have posted a link to the article. I would invite you to the party but its a very close group. You can watch yourself though, with it being so close and if we get a clear day you should get a good view of it. I posted the article I found on it below:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/01/080124192818.htm

Please comment on my dream. Do you think its just related to the party or is there something more to it? Also if you manage to see it I would love it if you would report back here. I will be in the warm observatory so I will see it up close.

Old Faithful and 2010

2008-01-20T07:56:00.000-08:00

I went to see a movie last night but had to leave early due to nausea. I laid down on a bench outside the theatre hoping that would help it subside but then I had this aweful dream. When I got home I laid down and pulled out my Grandmother's journal. Skimming through I saw an entry from her related to my dream. I got very scared as I am sure its not just coincidence that we both dreamt it. I thought I would post this entry in hopes you could comment on this too.

(July 5, 1984) My uncle is a forest ranger and he decided it would be fun
to take us to Yellowstone National Park to see Old Faithful with a couple of my
friends. We waited patiently for it to go. Someone
decided it would be fun to get real close when it was going to blow.
Security quickly pulled them back. You don't want to get burned they
said. I had this feeling that something would happen. I started to
feel weak. I looked around and saw the sign
"Old Faithful
Visitor Education Center 2010" Next thing I knew there was an evacuation
notice and security was escorting all of us out. I thought I heard someone
say there was going to be an eruption. I could hear my uncle calling me to
wake up. As it got louder I realized I had fainted and was dreaming the
whole thing.

I had this same dream about visiting Old Faithful and an eruption in 2010. I hope you will post comments or any information you have come across about 2010

July 5, 1941 - Her First Journal Entry

2008-01-11T06:04:00.001-08:00

On New Years Day I decided it was time to go back in and look at another entry. I found the thought of it scary but a friend of mine sat with me to help me through it. I figured being the new year I should look at my Grandmother's first posting in her diary. I found it very disturbing for the first few minutes I could not breathe. My friend held me. Its now 10 days later and I am finally calm enough to write this posting.

Please add comments for me as it will help me deal with the pressure associated with reading this.

(July 5, 1941) On New Years Day I decided it was time to go back in and look at another entry. I found the thought of it scary but a friend of mine sat with me to help me through it. I figured being the new year I should look at my Grandmother's first posting in her diary. I found it very disturbing for the first few minutes I could not breathe. My friend held me. Its now 10 days later and I am finally calm enough to write this posting.

Please add comments for me as it will help me deal with the pressure associated with reading this.

(July 5, 1941) As I sit her on the cold dirt floor, I look over at my dad as he sits at the kitchen table in tears. This is the first time I ever saw my father cry. My Aunt once told me that he is the strongest person she knew. We used to have a nice kitchen table made of cherry wood. My mom used to polish it every day. That was before they came to take it all away. All they left us was this rickety card table and three ricketly wicker chairs. They did not even leave enough for all of us to sit together at dinner. My brothers were quite upset. "Could you not leave us at least 5 chairs?" my brother asked. The soldier looked at my brother and was about to signal the other soldiers to grab him but my dad quickly and calmly appologized. "He is young. He doesn't know any better", My dad said.

I remember that my Dad even kept his cool when they came to the door the second time and told us that we must move out so another family could move in. My brother was even more upset than last time but my dad ensured my brother left first. "God will always provide a roof over our heads", Dad told us. This time it was different. This time they didn't take material possessions. They took my mom. They took my mom and there was nothing I could do. Nothing, Nothing, Nothing. My voice was gone. I called out but nothing came out, not a sound. It only took a couple minutes for them to grab her but it felt like hours. I just stood there watching, terrified. They busted the door down and grabbed her; one on each side and one from behind to gag her so she wouldn’t scream. It was the one who gagged her that pushed himself up against her and said, “entertain us and maybe we will let you live.” My mom could not scream because they gagged her, but I was not gagged. I should have been able to scream, but for some reason I could not. I tried hard but I could not. They dragged her out as she kicked and tried to scream. I just stood there frozen. I could not move or speak. I thought about running to kick them. To stop them but my legs felt like they were glued to the ground. Tears started to flow down my cheeks as they closed the door and were gone.

Suddenly my dad appeared in front of me and my voice came back. I let out a loud scream, "They took her." "Who took whom?" My dad asked. "They took Mom", I said. Dad was frantic, he opened the front door to look for her but quickly came back in. "I don't see her", he screamed. He ran from room to room looking for her. "Are you sure they took her outside?" Dad asked. "I saw them take her out the front door", I said. "Why did you not scream or come get us?' Dad yelled. I put my head in my hands. "I am sorry. I tried to scream but nothing came out. I tried to move but my legs were stuck", I said. Dad held me. "It is okay. People react differently in stressful situations. Do you remember anything they said?", Dad asked. "There were three of them. One held each side of her while the other gagged her. I remember one of them said that maybe she would live of she entertained them", I said. "So she is probably still alive", Dad smiled. My brother came over to hold my hand while Dad ran out after her. "I think I know where they took her", Dad said then close the door behind him.

I sat with my brother and waited. Hours passed and Dad was still not home. My brother went to the kitchen and pulled out the food mom was preparing earlier in the day. He heated the oven and placed the food in it to cook. "We have to eat", brother insisted. "I am not hungry", I said, "I want to wait for dad." When the food was done my brother came back over to sit with me. "We will wait together", he said.

Evening turned to night as the sunlight was history. Suddenly the door opened and it was my Dad. "Did you find her?" I asked. "No, but I will continue looking tomorrow", Dad said. "It is all my fault", I said.
"Don't ever think that. It is not your fault. You did all you could in the situation", Dad said. "Except scream", I said. My brother smiled at me. Dad tried many times that night to cheer me up but it didn't work.
July 4 will haunt me all the days of my life. The day I didn't scream.

"Dinner is ready", My brother said. Dad sat at the table and we sat with him. I was not very hungry but I knew I had to eat. I looked at the four chairs then looked over at the kitchen counter. That was where Mom stood when we had dinner. We only had four since they took all our stuff. "I miss you Mom", I thought. I saw my brother glancing at the kitchen counter a couple times too. I am sure he was thinking the same thing.

After dinner, I told them I was tired and went to bed. I didn't sleep though. I kept thinking about my mom. How I didn't scream to save her. After a while I noticed the sun peeking its way through the window and knew I had not slept all night. I opened my bedroom door and went over to the kitchen table for breakfast. There was a strange lady at the table with Dad. "Good morning", the lady said. "Good morning" I said curtsying to be polite. "This is Ruth she is a doctor and is here to help you through this", Dad said. He got up from the table and left us alone to talk. I explained everything to her, how I knew it was my fault. I should have screamed. "One way to get all these feelings out is to write them down", Ruth said. Dad heard her and came back to the table. "I thought this would help. Remember your mom gave it to you", Dad said. I took the book from my dad and said thank you. I looked at the cover. I opened it and read what it said. "This will help you one day. I know. I always kept a journal when I was your age. Love Mom" the inscription said. "I have to go now but I will be back to see you again. In the meantime, try writing your feelings in the journal. We can discuss them when we meet next", Ruth said shaking my hand. My dad shook her hand too and she left. I got up from the chair and sat in the corner to start writing. This is my first entry.

My Nightmare

2007-12-21T06:15:00.000-08:00

I know this is off topic but I had the most terrible and odd dream last night. I was standing in
my kitchen and I heard a loud bang then I felt a strong wind blowing. I felt kind of dizzy as I stumbled into the livingroom and sat on the couch. I rested my head down on the arm rest.

I looked around as the room began to spin. I saw lots of red. As the spinning slowed down I saw a room full of ticker tape and a large display which said October 2008. Someone yelled crash then more red. The spinning started up again and I awoke. I was sweating. I stumbled to the kitchen for a drink of water and noticed the window was broken. I got scared. I called my friend but she was not home. I sat alone on the couch and thought of what to do.

I just woke up an hour ago and thought I would post a blog entry to get these feelings all out. If you have any ideas on why someone broke my window or about my dream I would really appreciate it. I am really scared. Please email me at susan@clinchportal.com or comment on this blog posting. I will be checking it throughout the day hoping for a response. I will check my facebook too in case you have responded there.

April 4, 1974 - My Birthday

2007-11-29T08:28:00.000-08:00

Out of curiousity I decided to read the entry related to my birth. I remember my mom telling me about some incident at the hospital and for a long time they would not talk to grandma. Here are the diary entries. They were very shocking to me but they revealed a lot:

(April 19, 1974) Today will be an exciting day, I feel it but
something not
so good is on the horizon; I can feel the battle growing. My
daugher did not
like my response to her telling me she was pregnant. Now the
baby is due
today.

(April 20, 1974) It happened and now she is mad at me. I sensed it coming but
didn’t know what. When that nurse went to leave and I told her to stay because
something was going to happen but I didn’t know what, she lost it. “I will only
be gone a couple minutes” she insisted. I begged her to stay. A few seconds
later the baby started to cough, her temperature started to rise. The nurse
rushed over to help and the temperature came back down and she was ok. On the
way out the nurse stated that it was a good thing she stayed that extra couple
seconds or Susan would have died. They all looked at me as if I was a witch and
I was not allowed near the baby.

OMG! I am in shock now to know that I was almost not born and it was my grandmother that saved my life. I have to take a minute to breathe. This is a lot to handle. I will post again as soon as I am brave enough to read further.

Introducing Susan Fischer and Ida Fischer

2007-10-26T06:19:00.000-07:00

First let me start off introducing myself. My name is Susan Fischer and I am the great grand daughter of Ida Fischer. At age 10, I realized I had the ability to dream things before they happened. My friend Cherry and I were talking one day and she mentioned a study she found about gifts and how they are passed. When someone goes through a life impacting event the dna adapts over the next generation to help them handle similar events in the future. The study pointed out that the grand kids of holocaust survivors would have markers in their genes that give them a higher tolerance to extreme stress.

On my 35th birthday a good friend of mine presented me with this journal and it has changed my life. I am seeing a lot how my grandmother's experiences affected my gift. It altered my view on life so much that I thought I would share some of the entries that mean the most to me. I hope you enjoy them and will pass them on to your friend as well so they can experience them too.

I would really appreciate your comments on my postings as it may help me deal with what I am going through. I am using this blog as an outlet to help me get through this. I would love to connect with you personally as well. I am going through a lot right now and could use the friendship.

My email address is susan@clinchportal.com and my facebook profile link is http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=591510944

Love

Susan Fischer